Her – love and pain in Tenerife

A post that once again has something to do with a love story. A happy and sad one at the same time. It took me a while to upload this post because it is pretty personal I was not sure wether to share it or not. But here it is.

Falling in love

I met these girl at a warm summer day in Berlin. When we met in a bar we somehow connected very well straight away. She seemed to be so strong, independent and full of energy. A traveler just like me. It clicked and I fell for her. After a few dates I invited her to a gay party and we kissed the whole night. Both of us had butterflies in their stomach and everything seemed so perfect. She convinced me to become a vegetarian and I convinced her to do Yoga on a regular basis with me. That feeling when everything seems right and you wonder why you did not meet the other person earlier. 

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

And because everything seemed so perfect we decided to travel together. Once the decision was made, she told me that she would not return back to Germany with me but would keep travelling for a while longer – which really made me nervous. I mean, I was already nervous about travelling together and worried if we would get along 24/7. On top of that, I already lost one girl due to travelling solo and did not want to feel that pain again. But love and pain seem to be so close to each other that you maybe cannot take just one of them. And yeah, I agreed to travel together, to feel the love and the pain.

Travelling together

My girl and me rented a car in Tenerife and we explored the area, used Couchsurfing (it was her first time and she loved it so much) and climbed mountains together. Once again I struggled to show my homosexuality in a foreign country, even though I do not feel ashamed to be a lesbian. Some things just need a bit of time. And I always tend to hide my sexuality when feeling uncertain and insecure.

“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.” – Jennifer Lee

Camping in Tenerife

We ended up in Tenerife, rented a car to explore the island, camped in the mountains and at the beach for a couple of nights. When we reached a beautiful beach where we decided to stay for a couple of nights (but actually stayed far longer). When we arrived, we did not know that these would be the last stop of our journey. And yeah, this post was supposed to be about the Canary Islands and the beauty of the Islands but it came out differently. Anyways, that is going to be my next post then.

“I would not wish any companion in the world but you.” – William Shakespeare

We build up our tent close to the sea to listen to the waves in the morning when the rising sun woke us up. Full in love, happy to be together and waking up next to each other.

Our home – a tent with ocean view

Changing point

At one night, the wind changed and blew down our tiny tent, broke some of our stuff in pieces. Sand from Morocco waved over the beach, over the dunes ,the streets and into our eyes. No way to escape, just hiding somewhere. And that night, something between me and her changed as well. The love took of. Went with the wind. We startet to argue and complained about each others behaviour. Oonce the wind changes, you cannot do anything against it but adjust your sail. No way to stop the wind of blowing. Neither at the beach nor in life.

Letting go

One week after Christmas, the day came where we had to say goodbye. I had to fly back to Germany and she had to keep travelling. At that time the both of us probably realised that we could not go anywhere anymore together.  We missed our freedom too much, and somehow lost our happiness. It was not only time for me to say goodbye to her and the beautiful Island but it was also time for us to break up.

The day before we had to say goodbye she was busy organising her next trip and I used Couchsurfing to meet-up with two crazy guys with whom I drove up to the highest mountain in Tenerife – Pico del Teide. On top of the mountain, I felt free as a bird, strong and weak, happy and sad at the same time. I found my inner peace 3700 metres above the sea.

Saying goodbye

Next day, my love drove me to the harbour at Los Cristianos where I bought a ticket to the next Island – Gran Canary.  I was so sad all the way to the harbour and could not stop my tears anymore at some point. I realised that it was not only the desire to be free again, I furthermore did not feel brave enough to cope with the pain of missing her for month. Loving someone as a traveller is not easy. The both of us had tears in our eyes when we said goodbye to each other for the good – knowing that our time was over. I was sad but happy at the same time. Making the right decision is great – even if it hurts. I never had such a beautiful break-up ever before and I felt so grateful to have met a wonderful person like her, to feel all these butterflies and the warm love in my body.

I release my grip from the illusion of permanence and drift in the freedom, of the ever changing wind.

I met her a few month later again when she returned to Germany. I was happy to see her again and happy to see the both of us moving forward, holding on to our dreams of travelling the world but not onto each other anymore.

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